The No Contact Rule is about choosing to fold after witnessing how someone has unfolded. And it should never be about eliciting a reaction or being immature, hurtful, spiteful or mean. This isn’t about some “30/60/90-day plan,” or a certain formula. It allows you to process your feelings and ultimately decide how you want to proceed. Why is the No Contact Rule so effective?Ĭutting contact allows you to create your own closure so that you can heal, deal, and regain control over your emotions. Your triggers will fear-monger you into believing that the person you are in no contact with is the sole supplier of your emotional oxygen. The No Contact Rule is about making the decision to fold in light of having your own back in spite of your libido, head, and heart being in a state of trigger. Something that anyone with a shred of dignity, unf*ckwithability, confidence, self-awareness, and self-love would naturally do. I hate referring to it as a “rule,” because it just adds to this stigma of feeling more like a formulaic prison sentence that has to be applied for some desired result, rather than what it truly is: It is a direct flight to indifference and will solidify your One That Got Away status only if you do it right. I define the No Contact Rule as a way to resurrect your backbone, build unconditional confidence, win your breakup (without minimizing it to a game whatsoever), and attain classy revenge without having to disembark from the dignity, standards, and self-respect that you are trying to rebuild. If you implement the No Contact Rule with your ex just to get him/her to react, freak out, and want you back… you are essentially communicating with your actions that you are okay with your “soulmate” equating a lack of narcissistic control with genuinely desiring you.Why reduce yourself to a set of car keys that someone only realizes how important and necessary they are only when they are lost? If it takes someone having to lose you to: be honest with you, value you, and recognize your worth… the relationship is never going to work.
Many resources online (literally) sell it as a way to get your ex back. I think that the No Contact Rule is one of the most effective ways to level the playing field and regain your power after a breakup. Not every breakup requires that you go no contact, but I have found that it is always necessary to implement after the breakup of a toxic relationship with an ex who lacks boundaries. You use the no contact period to grieve your relationship and as progress is built, you start to view your ex in the light of reality, as opposed to the filter of potential. The No Contact Rule is defined as a set period of time in which you do not contact or respond to your ex whatsoever. The No Contact Rule is something that we are all familiar with post-breakup.